Self Help Books I Swear By

Everyone is all over the place with self help these days. It's a huge buzzword right now. With the Brené Brown followers and Mel Robbins backers, it's no wonder the self help movement is on the rise. Okay, we've also been dealing with COVID and we all need some self help these days — so that may have a part in things too.

Amazon's current bestsellers in the self help category include:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
• 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson
• Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k by Mark Manson
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
• Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
• Lighter by Yung Pueblo
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Love Prescription by John Gottman

Some of these I have never heard of — and some I have read over and over and given to my friends! It's an interesting list. Some are about yourself, some about relationships, some about love and intimacy. They cross many themes in just 10 books, and you can pick and choose the parts of yourself you want to delve into more deeply.

Right as the first summer of COVID was starting, I had a difficult breakup. I had a string of wrong relationships and I truly felt this one was going down the right path — so there must be something wrong with me for it not to have worked out. It was so hard that I took myself to therapy to get some "self help." I was determined to work on myself. I had a list of books I was going to dive into and was ready to make myself a better person.

HA!

We got halfway through the first session and the therapist stopped me mid-sentence. She said, "I know you feel this is your issue but you're f**king amazing. There is very little wrong with you from this standpoint and you have to chalk this one up to 'that guy is an idiot.'" It hit me like a friendly slap to the face. I stopped, processed what she was saying — and then disagreed with her. Lmao.

I said that surely, even though it seems like I've got it together, there must be some things I need to work on. She told me I didn't need to read Braving the Wilderness — I was already doing the things in that book. She told me to slow my roll and let my summer unfold. The right guy was one or two paces behind me and catching up. I scoffed a bit, but my inner optimist and die-hard romantic loved the idea. (She was right, too!)

I still went home and dealt with my self help. I read some of those books! I did skip Braving the Wilderness, but I read a book my good friend Chava suggested — On Being Human by Jennifer Pastiloff.

I rejected the "inner asshole" in my head and dove into my humanness. The author also has a podcast that I immediately began to binge. Ironically it wasn't as much self help as it was interviews with people who did amazing, cool things in the world. But I love it.

Jen is messy and brave and honest and real. She preaches about the celebration of happiness and self-realization and ditching the darkness and doubt. She is someone I would see myself being friends with. We vibe! (If you're reading this, Jen — call me!)

Another personal favorite from my self help journey. I loved this book so much I bought it for two of my friends. I have read it twice, and as I was writing this blog I was impatiently awaiting the release of her second book.

Schuster is painfully transparent about her early 20s and the chaos she was struggling with at that time. She is raw and honest about the darkest parts of her life. Her first chapter talks about how she realized she had hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist on her birthday — and the messages the therapist left back were those of genuine concern for her safety.

She tells her readers to fake the gratitude until you make the gratitude real. I write one thing a day I am grateful for, and I love doing it. Sometimes the list is silly and superficial; sometimes I can dig deep. As I do this every day it gets easier and easier to accomplish. She also says you need to kick your negative self-talk to the curb and find your inner voice.

Each chapter digs into her self help journey with personal details that show you how she got to where she was — and then her journey out of each situation.

So this one is not a self help book — it's more like a do-it-yourself help book. Lol.

Mel Robbins is adorable! With her signature large-rimmed glasses and that beautiful smile, you can't help but want to engage with her in some good self help exercises. This journal is my daily go-to when I get up in the morning. I bought one for my best friend too.

Here's what you'll get out of it:

• Get sh*t done — You won't just get more done, you'll do it in half the time.
• Kiss overwhelm goodbye — Stop being ruled by your to-do list and start getting the important work done.
• Cultivate rockstar confidence — Confidence is a skill you can build. Every day this journal gives you a chance to step outside your comfort zone.
• Amp your passion — Stop focusing on things that drain you. This journal shows you how to tap into your inner zen.
• Get control of your life — Using research from Harvard Business School, you'll learn one simple mindset trick that keeps you present to what matters most.
• Be the happiest you — Science proves that your mood in the morning impacts your entire day.

I was in a training session where they brought Dr. Gilboa in to speak. I was enthralled by her ideas related to stress being good for you — it's just about how you manage it that counts.

Dr. Gilboa walks you through eight Resilience Skills that will strengthen your ability to not only cope, but to move forward and be happy in the face of change. All change brings stress, and every day brings change. When you know how to build resilience, you can tackle anything that comes your way with energy and confidence.

This was a hidden gem for me. I read his novel The Midnight Library and looked for more books by him — and I found this on my Audible account. It was such a surprise that after listening to it I bought three copies and sent them to people.

I read a page or two at a time and write in the margins, highlighting things that resonated. Amazon describes it beautifully:

I highly recommend checking out this self help diamond in the rough.

I've read this book several times — often when I feel I haven't hit my mark and need a booster shot of positive mental space. When I need to check myself or just find validation that I'm on the right path.

Ruiz has four agreements he says everyone needs to live by:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Don't Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

I have these four statements handwritten on cards on the wall in my bathroom. I look at them at least twice a day when I brush my teeth. I think about them at the end of my day — did I strive to achieve each of them? Did I use my day well?

In 2009, Ruiz added a fifth agreement — "Be skeptical but learn to listen." While the first four deal with our relationship to ourselves, the fifth deals with our relationship to others and how to create a better world. It asks us to use discernment when listening to others and to understand that everyone has their own perspective and agenda reflected in their words.

Each of us is the artist of our own life, the director of our own play — and we can make it an adventure or a drama. Heaven or hell, it's up to us.

If you know me, you know I am a bibliophile. I will ask a total stranger what they are reading if they have a book in their hands. I hope this list gives you something wonderful to dive into!

Reach out to connect with Michelle — I'd love to hear what you're reading.