Giving Thanks! Gratitude During the Holidays

One of the most important things during the holidays is giving thanks — practicing gratitude. I remember one year at Thanksgiving we actually swam in the pool right before we had lunch. What are you going to do? It's Texas, LOL. Here we are back to that time of year where the leaves are changing colors, the weather is getting cooler, and snow may be found on the ground. But not in Texas! It is hot year round. But I am still giving thanks...

Sometimes giving thanks can be harder to do than you think. It takes practice and a conscious effort to make it a part of your daily life. Giving thanks during the holidays can be even more challenging.

The holiday season is upon us. Beginning with Thanksgiving, we're entering the time of year when we're encouraged to stop and consider all we have to be grateful for in our lives. And doing so is good for us.

Research has demonstrated that feelings of gratitude are associated with better health, sounder sleep, greater happiness, and kinder actions toward others. Holiday gatherings provide useful opportunities to cultivate feelings of gratitude.

We often come together with family and friends, many of whom have been important influences in our lives. Take a moment to acknowledge and give thanks for each of them. Let them know how they've guided, inspired, or supported you and how much they mean to you.

Even our most difficult relatives usually have some redeeming qualities. Choosing to focus our attention on what's positive about them — no matter how small — rather than dwelling on their annoying habits can improve your state of mind.

Remembering to be grateful takes practice for most of us. The holidays may be a good time to begin practices such as keeping a gratitude journal.

Taking time each day to identify a few things you feel grateful for has been proven to improve mood and feelings of well-being.

A version of this, which has been studied at Duke University Medical Center, is called Bite Sized Resilience: Three Good Things. This practice involves writing down three positive things at the end of the day. Not only has this helped reduce rates of burnout among healthcare providers, but it has been shown to improve resilience, sleep quality, work-life balance, and even depression.

"Gratitude visits" can be another useful practice. Recommended by Dr. Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, this exercise begins with writing a 300-word letter to someone who has changed your life for the better. Be specific about what the person did and how it affected you. Then deliver it in person — preferably without telling the person in advance. Read the whole letter slowly, allowing time for both of you to savor the feelings of warmth and connection. Research suggests you'll feel happier and less depressed for weeks afterward.

At times, holiday rituals intended to be expressions of gratitude interfere with the experience for some people. As Kira Newman from the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center writes, "For the shy adult or the grumpy teen, expressing gratitude around the Thanksgiving table can seem awkward and trite."

These forced "grateful motions" can feel more like a burden than a blessing. Newman suggests exercises that can help everyone feel less pressured and more authentically grateful.

Our culture's consumerism can be another obstacle. Research from Cornell University shows that experiential gifts give greater satisfaction than material ones and lead to higher levels of gratitude. So this year, consider gifting an experience instead of a thing.

• Holiday Gratitude Traditions for Fostering Gratitude in Children — Christine Carter, Ph.D.
• Turn Holiday Resentment into Gratitude — Meg Selig
• Six Habits of Highly Grateful People — Jeremy Adam Smith
• Tips for Keeping a Gratitude Journal — Jason Marsh

Gratitude Apps:

• Happier by Happier, Inc. — Free for iOS
• Attitudes of Gratitude Journal — Free for Android
• Gratitude 365 — $1.99 for iOS

One of my favorite things I do every morning is write on a piece of paper one thing I'm grateful for — something from the day before, or possibly the day to come. I write it down with the date so that when I look back at the end of the year I can review all the wonderful things that happened to me in the past 365 days.

I found a really pretty glass box framed in wood that says "gratitude" on the outside, and I drop my piece of paper in there every day. On New Year's Day I dump it all out on my bed and review it — thinking back to all the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly that happened in my year.

I don't just include my little gratitude writings — I also like to include playbills, hospital bracelets (yes, that's a plural for me, lol), or other small mementos of things that happened through the year. Even when some of them are not positive experiences, I like to give thanks for the opportunity to learn and grow from them. If you can turn something from a negative experience into something positive, I consider that a win.

I also like to equate breathing exercises with giving thanks. When I'm in the middle of something causing me anxiety or stress, I find that if I can stop, take a couple of deep breaths, and express gratitude for whatever is going on in that current experience — it helps me slow down and process what I'm going through in a more healthy way.

Check out my blog on holiday stress for more exercises and activities you can do during the holidays to fight seasonal depression and other holiday stressors.

Reach out to connect with Michelle — let's talk about building a gratitude practice that works for you.