Everyone is all over the place with self help these days. It’s a huge buzzword right now. With the Brene Brown followers and Mel Robbins backers it’s no wonder the self help movement is on the rise. Okay, we’ve also been dealing with COVID and we all need some self help these days so that may have a part in things too.
Amazon has a list of the bestsellers in the self help category. They are:
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- The 24 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
- 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson
- Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F&^k by Mark Manson
- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- Can’t Hurt Me by David Groggins
- Lighter by Yung Pueblo
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- The Love Prescription by John Gottman
Some of these I have NEVER heard of and some I have read over and over and given to my friends! It’s an interesting list of books. Some are about yourself, some about relationships, some about love and intimacy. They cross many themes in just 10 books and you can pick and choose the parts of yourself you want to delve into more deeply.
Right as the first summer of COVID was starting, I had a difficult breakup. I had a string of wrong relationships and I truly felt this one was going down the right path and there must be something wrong with me for it to not have worked out. It was so hard that it got to the point that I took myself to therapy to get some “Self Help” . I was determined to work on myself. I had a list of books I was going to dive into and was ready to make myself a better person.
HA! We got halfway through the first session and the therapist stopped me mid sentence. She said, “I know you feel this is your issue but you’re F&^king amazing. There is very little wrong with you from this standpoint and you have to chalk this one up to “that guy is an idiot” It hit me like a friendly slap to the face. I stopped, processed what she was saying and then disagreed with her. Lmao.
I said that surely even though it seems like I’ve got it together there must be some things that I need to work on. She told me I didn’t need to read Braving the Wilderness, I was already doing the things in her book that she writes about. She told me to slow my roll and let my summer unfold. The right guy was one or two paces behind me and was catching up. I scoffed a bit, but my inner optimist and die hard romantic loved the idea of thinking that guy was close. (she was right too!)
Books That I Absolutely Love
I still went home and dealt with my self help. I read some of those books! I did skip Braving the Wilderness, but I read a book my good friend Chava suggested called On Being Human by Jennifer Pastiloff.
I rejected the “inner asshole” in my head and dove into my humanness. The author also has a podcast that I immediately began to binge. Ironically it wasn’t as much self help as it was them interviewing people who did amazing, cool shit in the world and what they all had to say about that. But I love it.
Jen is messy and brave and honest and real. She preached about the celebration of happiness and self realization and ditching the darkness and doubt. She is someone I would see myself being friends with. We vibe! (If you’re reading this Jen, call me!)
Another personal favorite book I’ve read along my self help journey is Buy Yourself The F*&king Lilies by Tara Schuster. I loved this book so much I bought it for two of my friends!
I have read it twice and as I am writing this blog, I am impatiently awaiting the release of her second book. It should be as awesome as the first. Schuster is painfully transparent about her early 20s and the chaos she was struggling with at that time.
She is raw and painfully honest about the darkest parts of her life. Her first chapter talks about how she realized that she has hit rock bottom when she drunk dialed her therapist, leaving a disturbing message, on her birthday and the messages the therapist left on her phone were those of genuine concern for her safety.
She tells her readers to fake the gratitude until you make the gratitude real. I write one thing a day I am grateful for and I love doing it.
Sometimes the list is silly and superficial and sometimes I can dig deep. As I do this every day it gets easier and easier to accomplish. She also says you need to kick your negative talk to the curb and find your inner voice.
Each chapter digs in on her self help journey with personal details that allow you to see how she got to where she was and then her journey out of each situation that she has experienced.
The Absolute Best Self Help Journal on the Market
The 5 Second Journal The Best Daily Journal to and Fastest Way to Slow Down, Power Up and Get S*it Done by Mel Robbins So this one is not a self help book but more like a do it your self help book. Lol
Mel Robbins is adorable! With her signature large rimmed glasses and that beautiful smile you can’t help but want to engage with her in some good self help exercises. This journal is my daily go to when I get up in the morning. I bought one for my best friend too! Here is what amazon says about what you will get out of this book. Using this journal, you will:
GET SH*T DONE
You won’t just get more done-you’ll do it in half the time. Your life is way too important to spend it procrastinating. Invest a little time here every day and in return you’ll get the best tools psychology, organizational behavior, and neuroscience have to offer.
KISS OVERWHELM GOODBYE
Stop being ruled by your to-do list and start getting the important work done. Filling your days with menial tasks will not lead to a meaningful life. This journal will keep your focus on what’s most important, even in between conference calls and running errands.
CULTIVATE ROCKSTAR CONFIDENCE
Confidence is a skill YOU can build. Yes, you. And it’s not as difficult as you may think. Every day this journal will give you a chance to step outside your comfort zone so you can feel proud of yourself and watch your self-confidence grow.
AMP YOUR PASSION
Want to live a more passionate life? Stop focusing on sh*t that drains you. Seriously. This journal will show you a cool way to power up your energy levels and tap into that inner zen that knows exactly what fuels your fire.
GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
If you get to the end of the day and wonder where it all went, it’s time to take stock. Using research from Harvard Business School, you’ll learn one simple mindset trick that keeps you present to what matters most, which is the secret to being in control.
BE THE HAPPIEST YOU
Science proves that your mood in the morning impacts your entire day. That’s why this journal is designed to boost your mood first thing, so you can become a happier, smarter, and more positive person all day. The fact is, happier people get sh*t done.
Best Conquering Stress Book Out There
From Stressed to Resilience The Guide to Handle More and Feel it Less by Deborah Gilboa MD.
I was in a training session where they brought Dr. Gilboa in to speak. I was enthralled by her ideas related to stress being GOOD FOR YOU. It’s just about how you manage it that counts. Amazon says,
“It’s a guide for strength-building that translates into results. It turns out that stress itself is not actually the enemy. In fact, stress is not only survivable, it can be the tool that gets you exactly what you want from life, in a life you actually want.
The key isn’t about getting rid of stress – it’s in building something else.
And that something else is resilience.
In From Stressed to Resilient, Dr. Gilboa will take you by the hand and guide you through practical and easy exercises as she teaches you eight Resilience
Skills that will tone and strengthen your ability to not only cope but to move forward and be happy in the face of change. All change brings stress and every day brings change.
When you know how to build resilience you can tackle anything that comes your way with energy and confidence.”
The Comfort Book by Matt Haig This was a hidden gem for me. I read his novel, The Midnight Library and looked for more books by him and I found this on my Audible account. It was such a surprise and after listening to it I bought three copies from amazon and sent them to people.
I read a page or two at a time and write in the margins. M highlighting things that resonated and found his little gem about the darkest times in his life to be inspiring and real. Amazon says, “It is a strange paradox, that many of the clearest, most comforting life lessons are learnt while we are at our lowest. But then we never think about food more than when we are hungry and we never think about life rafts more than when we are thrown overboard.”
The Comfort Book is Haig’s life raft: It’s a collection of notes, lists, and stories written over a span of several years that originally served as gentle reminders to Haig’s future self that things are not always as dark as they may seem. Incorporating a diverse array of sources from across the world, history, science, and his own experiences, Haig offers warmth and reassurance, reminding us to slow down and appreciate the beauty and unpredictability of existence.”
I highly recommend checking out this self help diamond in the rough.
Self Help That Fuels My Soul
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz I’ve read this book several times. Often when I feel I have not hit my mark and need a booster shot of positive mental space. When I need to check myself or just find validation I am on the right path.
Ruiz has four agreements he says everyone needs to live by. They are:
- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.
I have these four statements hand written on cards that are on the wall in my bathroom. I look at them at least two times a day when I brush my teeth. I think about them at the end of my day. Did I strive to achieve each of them? Did I use my day well? Will today be a good day and how will I work to follow these four precepts?
In 2009 Ruiz added a 5th element that helps you recover all the power of your authenticity, which is who you really are when you are born.
I absolutely love a portion of a review that a Thriftbooks reader wrote about this second book. It states, “Be skeptical but learn to listen.” While the first four agreements deal with our relationship to ourselves and how to create a happy life, the fifth agreement deals with our relationship to others, and how to create a better world.
“The Fifth Agreement” asks us to be skeptical and use discernment when listening to others, and to understand that everyone has his or her own perspective and agenda reflected in their words. It is up to us to discern the truth behind the words, but always to be respectful of another’s right to his or her views, even if we don’t share them. Each of us is the artist of our own life, the director of our own play, and we can make it an adventure or a drama – heaven or hell, it’s up to us.
This review perfectly encapsulates the premise of this second book after his first one hit the shelves 12 years ago. He has since written one that correlated to relationships and love, knowledge and attachment. They are all quick reads and he even has card decks and other accessories associated with the books.
If you know me you know I am a bibliophile! I love reading. I will ask a total stranger what they are reading if they have a book in their hands. Find me on Goodreads and you can see all the books I have read, loved, reviewed or are waiting to read. Enjoy!